Whatever. Maybe that’s a good start right now.
I noticed that my last entry is from 2019 and the whole world changed since back then. Not only my own but literally the rest of the world as well. Or at least it feels like it.
I truly wanted to start writing again, but it’s just too hard to be disciplined. Maybe that’s because building a habit is really hard or maybe because I’m too lazy?
Everything starts to feel like a waste of time after a while. Sometimes I can go on for a pretty long while but on other occasions that feeling starts right at the beginning.
Just like this, right now. It might be nothing but senseless babbling, but there needs to be a starting point, right?
Instead of being all gloomy and pessimistic about everything, I could try and think of the good things, the improvements, literally everything positive that happened in those past three years. English, for example. I at least hope that I managed to improve my English after literally spending roughly two years reading nothing but English novels. Most are translations from Chinese, to be honest, but they are in English nevertheless.
So that’s one thing.
Talking about those Chinese novels I have to mention, that I found a lot of new things that ‘sparked joy’ in the last couple of years. It was a rather funny development, honestly.
It all started with that one ‘anime’ figure I saw on AmiAmi. It looked too good to ignore it, but since collecting figures is a very… space and money-consuming hobby… I established a rule for myself. That rule is: You don’t know where it’s from? Then don’t buy it!
But, like I said, that one figure looked to good to be easily ignored and so I started researching it’s origin. That’s when I found out about a real Abyss: Daomu Biji or Grave Robber’s Diaries or Grave Robber’s Chronicles or The Lost Tomb. It’s a massive and super popular Chinese franchise. There are more than 20 Novels, Dramas and Movies to read and watch. And it was just the beginning. Thanks to that one franchise, I found out about Chinese BL novels and I found my way back into K-Pop. And I genuinely enjoy every single one of those new interests.
So why do I still feel… kind of empty?
Maybe because of all that nonsense about measuring interests and gaining recognition from posting the result of ‘useful’ hobbies like painting~ writing~ blogging~ travelling ~ singing~ and whatever. I can understand that and I am by no means immune to that urge to be recognized. It is a nice feeling to get likes and comments, to gain followers and to feel important. But at the same time, it annoys the hell out of me.
And still, here I am, writing a blog entry instead of using a real paper journal. So maybe I still want to put myself out there to some degree. Maybe I need to attach less importance to the ‘reach’ of my posts and try to focus back on doing this for fun. And nothing else. Especially that whole writing challenge thing. I genuinely enjoyed doing it. Or at least trying it. So I guess… all of this rambling is nothing but my way to try and make a restart.
And since I’m already losing patience already, I’ll stop this right here.
See you soon, maybe~ Whoever is reading this. Or not.
Flu and Pneumonia and Videogames
And I am still sick. I really wanted to keep up this challenge, but it seems like 500 words per day were a bit over-ambitious. So while laying around waiting for my lungs to heal I decided I will change the challenge to make it somewhat more manageable for now. So from now on, I’ll rather try to manage 1000 words per week than 500 words per day! And I’ll try to write two posts with 500 words each per week. I hope to keep up with my goals on a more reliable base this way! So please be patient with me…
So what’s new? Not much really, because of the fact that I stayed at home for 3 weeks now because a pretty bad flu decided to make way for pneumonia which still causes me to cough a lot. I really have a shitty immune system… But well, I have to make the best of it. So I finally got my copy of Blood and Chocolate from Annette Curtis Klause. I already read the german translation, but since I try to improve my English skills, I wanted to reread it in the original version. I also bought Wolves of Black Pine from SJ Himes and read a few pages of it. I’m really looking forward to reading this novel! It’s about werewolves (no surprise here) and I already like the setting after just reading the first couple of sentences at the beginning of the book. So, are there any werewolf novels you can recommend? I want to read more and I already joined goodreads.com to get some recommendations.
And since I’m a big fan of videogames as well (didn’t mention that before, did I?) there is also news on that front! I started to play Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines! And I love it so far. I’m nearly finished with the first part of the game taking place in Santa Monica and I enjoy being a vampire way more than I imagined. I decided to be a Tremere, enjoying some blood magic and looking super cool with my default black sunglasses!
So these three topics are what I will be spending time with next week while still recovering from this unnerving pneumonia..! and now I still haven’t reached 500 words, but I’m already getting tired again. Being sick is the worst, let me tell you… But I’ll just try getting better soon and I hope you had a great weekend and spent it with your loved ones!
Warmth and Love and Care
Hello everyone,
just like it always is, something comes up the moment you least need and expect it. And here I am again, recovering from a high fever which lasted for nearly 4 days. I’m still exhausted and recovering from the flew, but I finally feel good enough to write again. I totally hate it when my head feels all clouded and fuzzy… I really tried to write something, but it just didn’t work out. So now I’m 6 days and around 3000 words short. Oh my god, I may cry right now. But it’s okay, I can do it! I’ll just keep writing and eventually, every entry will be a bit over 500 words and one day I’ll be up to date again! My plan is to continue this little story about Talia and Gannon, two young wolves from powerful families, meeting for the very first time. Let’s see how it continues…
No. Simply no. She wouldn’t accept this. All this fluffy mate romance shit! She was fifteen years old. She didn’t like this forest. She didn’t like this pack and everything! And especially not this guy who looked at her like… she should be something or like he thought she was something she didn’t want to be! All this traditional bullshit! She would not simply yield to things like this mate crap! She had a whole life ahead of her and she would not change anything just because of these big, dreamy puppy eyes following her around. Even now! Sitting in the main hall of the big house in the middle of the village, celebrating whatever. And it was seriously going on her nerves. He just kept staring at her, no matter how much she growled and scowled at him. Stupid wolf! She didn’t even know him anyway! And sooner or later, hopefully, sooner, they’d leave again, driving all the way back home and she would never have to see him again! Ignoring the little sting in her chest she took another piece of meat and took a big bite. She did not care about all of this! And about not seeing him ever again!
The atmosphere around her was way too lively. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood and happy about this gathering, even though her parents and herself were the only guests. Some played live music, there was plenty of food and lots to drink. Pubs rolling around, trying to come near the foreign Alpha as some kind of daring test and elders watching them with soft expressions. One thing her parents had told her proved to be true: It was different here. She always had thought their own family would be quiet big, but this was different. It literally was a pack, not only one family but a whole clan with a whole handful of cubs, clan elders and a lot of betas, all joined in harmony behind their own Alpha, who was a pretty impressive man, she had to admit. A tall man with dark skin, long hair and high cheekbones, she never knew she could find features like that attractive, but well… At least the overall mood around distracted her a little bit so she’d be able to enjoy herself a little, ignoring the greyish eyes still following her.
“Are you okay, pup?”
Her mom placed her warm and soft hand on her cheek, searching for her look. And she had this aura of warmth and love and care.
“Yes, Mom… I’m totally okay with being dragged out here all of a sudden. You know? Like I’ve been okay with it since we took off.”
She huffed a little laugh, stroking a loose strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear.
“Just give them a chance, will you sweetheart?”
And there it was, the small smile full of love and Talias knees became all wobbly. She could never really refuse her mom anything. And some might claim her dad being the dangerous one! How little they knew…!
“I’ll try not to run away today, okay…? But I won’t promise to make friends.”
“That shall be enough for now.”
Her mom smiled again, brushing a light kiss on her cheek before turning back to her Dad. Oh how much she loved her…
Snow and thunder and storm
Slowly he let his gaze wander over the far lands and forest of Yellow Stone. His lands, or the lands that were meant to become his, as soon as he would have stepped up to become his father’s heir. He’d be the leader of their small village, the leader of their people and he’d lead them with all his heart and all his love because this was his home, this was his, just his. And today he would take part in the first official meeting together with his father. Another Leader would visit today, bringing his family with him, to discuss some important things, that he was absolutely sure about. And he was proud to be allowed to join. But there was still time and so he jumped from the porch in front of his family’s house, landing lightly on the green, green grass.
He’d just take a short stroll before their visitors would arrive, to clear his head, calm down a little. Because, even though he was already seventeen, he still was nervous. It still was his first official gathering, the first time he’d meet another Leader. The other kids had whispered, that he had a daughter, a beautiful one at that. But that was not for him to worry about. He couldn’t see any reason to care about girls. Or boys. He just knew, that one day he would meet the person who would be meant to be his. And until he’d find this person, he would not worry about romance or girls or boys or anything else concerning those things.
He let his head sink to his neck, looking up into the sky. It was blue, so blue. Not a single cloud, just the gentle touch of a soothing breeze on his face and he felt calm and home and one with himself and his people, his lands. A little later he was on his way back to the village when he heard an approaching car and quickened his steps a little to not be late to the first meeting. The first impression was important. His Dad had told him that and he didn’t want to disappoint his father.
He arrived in time to watch the car rolling along the gravel road closer to the main house and stepped to his father’s side, glancing to his mother and back to the car. A tall man got out of the big black Jeep, black, short hair, broad shoulders and dark brown eyes which nearly seemed black even though the sun shone through the treetops. This man radiated with power and he felt a shiver crawling down his spine. Next was a woman. Nearly as tall as the man. Black hair, long, wavy, slender build and every movement was pure elegance. She was so beautiful! With her eyes, light brown, meeting the gaze of his own parents. They greeted his parents respectfully and he had nearly forgotten about the third person, still sitting inside the car. But the second he had remembered the front door on the other side of the car was pushed open. And he could smell it. He felt his world change immediately. All his senses focused on the girl getting out of the car. Black, long hair, dark eyes, scowling at everything around her… She was the one. He just knew. She was his mate.
“Welcome to Yellow Stone, Alpha Hale, Elenore, Talia. This is my son, Gannon.”
And his world was all snow and thunder and storm.
Rain and warm and moss
Welcome back!
Day two of my writing challenge and I already am lost because I have no real idea what to write about. I have a lot of characters with stories and possibilities to just write little one-shots. But as soon as I want to start I draw a blank… No real ideas, I just cannot find the words and that’s pretty frustrating but since I promised myself to take on this challenge, I won’t give up!
You have to know, I own some BJDs, ball-jointed-dolls and all of them are based on characters from stories or fictions I wrote either alone or together with friends. So this should be easy. In theory… But maybe that’s still the right way to start writing! Thing is, I have a really bad werewolf obsession right now. And I don’t have any wolf characters myself…
That being said, this might be the solution to all my problems right now (kind of). I just have to create some werewolf characters to write about! But I cannot really agree with myself on any concrete idea. Maybe I’ll just try to write about an existing character temporarily? That sounds good to me right now and will end my seemingly endless bubbling right now.
(Sorry ahead, for all the mistakes I will make. Feel free to give me tips!)
~~~~~
Calmly she sat in the passenger seat, looking out of the window as changing environments passed. It had already been a long drive and still, more than half of the way was left. She was not happy about this trip. Absolutely not! But her Parents made it clear, that this trip and her participation were not up for discussion. So here she sat, just silently watching and ignoring every single attempt of her parents to talk to her. They had said, it would be good for her.
“There are others your age and it’s just different there, you’ll see.”
What if she didn’t like different? In her eyes, everything was perfectly fine! She did not need anyone, never had! Why would she? They would not understand anyway. None of them could. So why bother getting to know them at all? Her Parents thought differently. Period. So silent treatment it was!
Another couple of hours later they finally passed the sign telling them they arrived at Yellow Stone National Park and she felt her mood drop even further. “For how long?”, she had asked them. And “the whole summer” hadn’t been the answer she had hoped for. She let out a deep sigh, watching all those trees and green and trees which felt like it would want to swallow her whole. And never set her free ever again.
Finally, her Dad pulled over, letting the Jep roll along a gravel road into a little village consisting of smaller and some larger houses made of wood. She heard kids laughing and voices calling because of their arrival and she already hated it here! So she stayed inside the car, even as it stopped and her parents stepped out of it to greet the head of this village. Just to tease them a little bit more! They deserved it! But as soon as she opened the door something changed, she could smell it. It was all rain and warm and moss. She let her eyes wander, searching for the source of this smell which made her heart speed just a little bit faster when she met another pair of eyes. Green? No… there was blue and grey too! And so much rain and warm and moss.
“Welcome to Yellow Stone, Alpha Hale, Elenore, Talia. This is my son, Gannon.”
The girl who wants to write again
Well hello,
it’s already been what? 3 Months since my last entry? I really suck at this, but I won’t give up this year! And to set myself a goal, I’ve decided to take part in a challenge. Maybe I have to tell a little more about my motivation behind this.
Just a few weeks ago my best friend told me about this new book she found on audible. Just something about romance and werewolves and she wasn’t sure if it was good or not. But this changed! And because I’m on audible myself, I decided to just give it a try, since I just finished reading Blood and Chocolate and my life felt somehow empty, like it always feels after finishing a good book or videogame or tv show. You might know what I’m talking about. And yep, it hit me hard. Wolfsong is one of the greatest books I’ve read so far and even though I haven’t read THAT many books, it means something to me. At the beginning, I did not like the style of writing very much. It felt strange, maybe because I’m not used to reading English books anymore or maybe because it’s some kind of simple? And I don’t mean it in a bad way because, in the end, it’s unusual style just took me in, kept me reading and made me lose myself more and more to the story about a boy and a wolf, like no book was able to in years. I just couldn’t stop reading and finished it within just a couple of days when I normally need weeks or months or even years. If I finished them at all…
It revived the urge to write again, to create again and here’s where the challenge comes in.
Write at least 500 words every day! It’s not that much, but I wanted to keep it doable.
When I was in school, writing was one of my dearest hobbies and I spent more time writing fiction than actually paying attention in class (but I managed somehow, so I think it was fine…).
And that’s where I want to get to again. Since German is my mother language I might make many mistakes in the beginning, but I will work hard to improve my skills. I love the English language and sometimes it’s much easier for me to describe what I have in my head in it. I already started to write a little fanfiction in English, but I’m stuck since what feels like forever. It’s a teen wolf fanfiction about Stiles and Derek in a King Arthur like setting. Maybe, just maybe, continuing this story might be a good start? I would have to watch the King Arthur movie with Mads Mikkelsen again, but there are worse things to rewatch. And I might rewatch teen wolf too since I couldn’t help myself buying the limited complete edition of the series on blu ray… Oh well…
So, let’s get started!
See you tomorrow!
Happy new year 2019
It’s a new year and a fresh start! It’s been a whole while since I last had a blog and wrote entries regularly but I really enjoyed it! So one of my new years resolutions is to restart this hobby! So if you stumbled across my new blog, thanks ahead for reading and you are welcome to stay!
This blog will simply be about my life as a girl who really likes to play video games, as a movie junky, as a TV show lover, as a hobby photographer and last but not least a collector of ball-jointed-dolls! So this is what you can expect. I plan to write some reviews, post some photos of my doll collection and so on~!
So everyone, have a good start in 2019 and enjoy your life! Every day is precious!
I N S I D E . T H E . C A G E 