Whatever. Maybe that’s a good start right now.
I noticed that my last entry is from 2019 and the whole world changed since back then. Not only my own but literally the rest of the world as well. Or at least it feels like it.
I truly wanted to start writing again, but it’s just too hard to be disciplined. Maybe that’s because building a habit is really hard or maybe because I’m too lazy?
Everything starts to feel like a waste of time after a while. Sometimes I can go on for a pretty long while but on other occasions that feeling starts right at the beginning.
Just like this, right now. It might be nothing but senseless babbling, but there needs to be a starting point, right?
Instead of being all gloomy and pessimistic about everything, I could try and think of the good things, the improvements, literally everything positive that happened in those past three years. English, for example. I at least hope that I managed to improve my English after literally spending roughly two years reading nothing but English novels. Most are translations from Chinese, to be honest, but they are in English nevertheless.
So that’s one thing.
Talking about those Chinese novels I have to mention, that I found a lot of new things that ‘sparked joy’ in the last couple of years. It was a rather funny development, honestly.
It all started with that one ‘anime’ figure I saw on AmiAmi. It looked too good to ignore it, but since collecting figures is a very… space and money-consuming hobby… I established a rule for myself. That rule is: You don’t know where it’s from? Then don’t buy it!
But, like I said, that one figure looked to good to be easily ignored and so I started researching it’s origin. That’s when I found out about a real Abyss: Daomu Biji or Grave Robber’s Diaries or Grave Robber’s Chronicles or The Lost Tomb. It’s a massive and super popular Chinese franchise. There are more than 20 Novels, Dramas and Movies to read and watch. And it was just the beginning. Thanks to that one franchise, I found out about Chinese BL novels and I found my way back into K-Pop. And I genuinely enjoy every single one of those new interests.
So why do I still feel… kind of empty?
Maybe because of all that nonsense about measuring interests and gaining recognition from posting the result of ‘useful’ hobbies like painting~ writing~ blogging~ travelling ~ singing~ and whatever. I can understand that and I am by no means immune to that urge to be recognized. It is a nice feeling to get likes and comments, to gain followers and to feel important. But at the same time, it annoys the hell out of me.
And still, here I am, writing a blog entry instead of using a real paper journal. So maybe I still want to put myself out there to some degree. Maybe I need to attach less importance to the ‘reach’ of my posts and try to focus back on doing this for fun. And nothing else. Especially that whole writing challenge thing. I genuinely enjoyed doing it. Or at least trying it. So I guess… all of this rambling is nothing but my way to try and make a restart.
And since I’m already losing patience already, I’ll stop this right here.
See you soon, maybe~ Whoever is reading this. Or not.